So apparently I am going through a ‘mid-life’ crisis.
I am turning 40 next year and have suddenly started to do ‘crazy’ things… like get my nose re-pierced, get my first tattoo, dye my hair silver, take up yoga and start to share my rants with the world on social media… so is this a mid-life crisis or just me listening to my soul and finally being confident in doing what I have always wanted to do but where too afraid to?
Personally, I think it’s the latter. Now for the first time I feel comfortable in my own skin.
I never wanted children… actually strike that… when I was in my twenties I never wanted children, I was too interested in having a good time wasting my weekends in the pub and hungover, so it never really came up. When I hit my 30’s my friends where all having children and settling down… and still I was having too much fun finding my now husband and enjoying the social aspect of my career in PR!
It was only then I found my indigo boy, and we went on to have our whirlwind of babies, marriage and new home did I start to feel ‘nearly complete’.
Becoming a wife gave me the stability I craved and my safe place. Luckily my hubby totally gets me and my quirks. Sure we have days where we can’t stand each other – and some days it’s like we are speaking in a different language to each other – but for the most part when we actually stop and try to enjoy life and each other – the love is always there.
Becoming a mother was possibly the most amazing, challenging, mind blowing thing ever for me. Both girls knocked me sideways. I look at them and wonder how the hell I grew them, gave birth to them and marvel at it all. I don’t think I ever truly knew love until I got that intense rush of love when a pink squishy bundle was placed in my arms – and the worry when bubba 2 came along, would I love her as much as bubba 1. My fears where of course unfounded because…. there it was that rush of emotion and unconditional love when I met her too.
So after those major life changing events, why did I feel out of sorts or uncomfortable? I have always thought I was a fairly confident person. After having both children I found it knocked me off kilter – particularly in relation to understanding who I was now I was responsible for two tiny humans.
Looking back at myself before babies (which you inevitably do after children come along) I could see I was searching for purpose, to gain approval, to belong, to fit in…so you could say I was actually a bit wimpy before children. I am not sure if it is becoming a mum that has given me this new found confidence and strength to what ‘I’ want to do, and to prioritise the important things in life – I think it is definitely part of it.
These past few months I have gone through a journey of self-discovery following the birth of bubba 2, PND and the inevitable return to work. Coming out the other side of tunnel I am now coming out of the spiritual closet and opening myself up to new possibilities, and as a result can honestly say I am only now starting to feel good about myself. As a professional, as a mother, as a wife and as a woman.
I have realized ‘finally’ that self-love is so important in knowing who you are and where you want to go. It’s also something you need when you have children!
The bags of confidence in the ability that you know what’s best for your babies, after all you grew them, and they are part of you.
It’s only now I realize that having a confident happy mum, leads to confident happy children.
Being Mum, is fun… yes challenging, hard at times, but my goodness it is the most rewarding job in the world. Mid-life crisis…. what mid-life crisis!?