So it’s been a while since I put pen to paper, so much has happened since I last wrote. It’s literally because I have been busy being present.
Which means photos aren’t being taken as regularly and I am not off ranting about every little thing that upsets me.
I’ve been actually joining in – really joining in is where it is at – laying in my eldest’s bed making up stories, sitting down with my kids doing jigsaws, cuddling on the sofa watching The Incredible’s for the 1000th time and actually leaving the washing and the cleaning (the house is a tip but I am past caring).
Those who have known me for a long time, know that this hasn’t been the way I have always been. I was always a, chores and work first kinda gal, hating a messy house… but something amazing happened.
First of, I am lucky to have an amazing husband, who understood I needed some time out. After only taking 9 months off with Lucy, our eldest child, and then only 7 months off with Amy, our second. I went back to work hell for leather and suffered mentally as a result. It was just after Lucy turned 3, I started exploring my spirituality and was lucky enough to secure a limited place on a retreat hosted by the author Rebecca Campbell the following summer – June 2017.
This blog isn’t the place to go into the detail of what happened during that retreat, I am still processing that currently and I will write about the amazing experiences and women I met. But what I wanted to share, is taking a time out away from real life, with a group of women I had briefly met on our Facebook group was probably the bravest and best thing I have ever done.
And for that I am so proud of myself
Because B4Glasto I was a dutch courage kinda gal – any new experiences in my life would have needed a security blanket of some kind or a word of approval – for work; lipstick, heels and a skin full of vino; dance classes or a new school – a parent as a crutch; A style change; a friends approval.
This time I just did it. I booked it with no approval required and not knowing anyone.
And the best thing, it was a week away where I didn’t have to think about anything except getting to coaches or breakfast on time.
It was peace and quiet with company where someone else took care of me. Mobile phones just didn’t work. (so I had to cross the street to call home to check in on real life each night. Note to self though, video calls at witching hour probably not healthy for anyone!)
This meant I had no choice but to be present. To sit and listen to the hubbub at breakfast, To enjoy the sounds of the Chalice Wells waterfall, to smell the perfume of the blooming roses, to experience being truly alive and tuned in to the world.
The one big takeaway for me was to live in the moment, and that we all need a break from reality sometimes to get that perspective. So that’s what I have tried to do since being home. When I pulled up on the drive, and hauled my case into the house.
I went straight to my kids for big bear hugs and dragged them into the hot sweaty garden for water play and cuddles…
…gone was the woman who unpacked and slung the washing in the machine the minute she got in the house… of course she still does rear her head from time to time – mainly to ensure that we can actually see the floor in the lounge – but that’s when I need to get myself in check.
The point? Sure my blog was started as a vent… but I am realising that negative thoughts and behaviour breeds negative thoughts and behaviour.
When I am present, things are easier, nicer, kinder with not only my kids but in general, that and I am already thinking about the next bold move to keep me on this positive path (also known as the next solo road trip)…